You’ve probably heard of it: those crazy Japanese have a festival where they carry around huge penises and eat penis popsicles. That festival was today, and with it being only 37 minutes away from us, Charlotte and I just couldn’t let this opportunity pass…
She’s a man eater
First things first, in defense of the “crazy Japanese”: this festival, Kanamara Matsuri, is based on an old myth about a woman, posessed by a demon. This demon got into her vagina, and bit the dicks of her first and second husband right off! (Aiii!) Because the lady was fed up with losing her newly wedded husbands this way, the local blacksmith came up with a solution: he forged an iron penis, on which the demon broke his teeth. The woman was freed and could finally marry. Hurray!
I guess this story was the Edo-age warning for STD’s, which kind of explains why the temple where the penis is honored used to be popular amongst prostitutes. Even though I hope everybody knows condoms are a better form of protection than a steel fallus, the temple still helps the cause: the proceedings of the festival are donated towards HIV/AIDS research.
The procession started at 12. First up was a big, pink penis called Elizabeth. She’s a gift from a famous drag club, and men in drag are omnipresent at this party. Unfortunately, the weather was bad, so Elisabeth was covered up. Oh well, at least she’s keeping it safe.
Next up was the main act: a black fallus in a portable shrine, carried by men that looked like this thing was really, really heavy. Didn’t keep them from bouncing though. I guess that helps, for fertility, a bigger dick, ehm, I don’t know really. After this one came a smaller dick and a tree trunk. Once again, no clue.
How many licks does it take…
So when I said proceedings, I meant the revenue of the sales of penis popsicles, penis lollipops, penis shirts… Everything penis. To get to the stands on the temple ground, there was an enormous queue, so Charlotte and I decided to skip the delicious snack. Fortunately there were a lot of others indulging on the candy. A few boys couldn’t get themselves to suck on a dick, so for them there were pussies. Oh, how suitable.
So yeah. It was very busy, and everyone had to have a dick-selfie. Everyone, except for the hipster in front of me. He was shooting dicks with his analog, black and white camera. I think it will be a fun day at the photo lab.
Planning on visiting the festival next year? On the first sunday of april, take the train to Kawasakidaishi, a small station in Kawasaki. From there, just follow the crowd. The procession starts at 12:00, and be prepared: it will be crowded.