Whenever I’m working on a book, the same thing happens: my blog turns into a quiet, dusty wasteland, with the occasional tumbleweed rolling by. My brain only has so much writing capacity, so after two hours of book work, the idea of writing a blog post on top of that… yeah, no.

Today I decided to do it the other way around: blog first, then see how much book writing I can still manage afterward. Because I do want to keep you updated on how the writing process is going!

I’m now almost halfway through – the first draft, that is. I’ve gathered information, interviewed some fascinating people, and, as you may have seen on social media, collected tons of input from readers. I pasted all your responses into a big spreadsheet, complete with names, usernames, and sometimes even keywords, so I can easily find things again later. But I didn’t just ask for feedback on the content, I also wanted your opinions on the cover. And oh, did I get them!

It started with a comment from my editor: “Who’s your target audience, exactly? Because your cover looks a bit young…”

Ah yes. My work looks young. I’ve heard that all my life. Even back when I was a full-time photographer, people used to tell me that. You could say, “Well, that’s just who I am then.” But of course, the book still has to sell. And if a lot of people think it looks young, or aimed at teenagers, I might be missing out on a big part of my audience. So I decided to ask my Instagram followers.

I got a ton of feedback – thank you for that! But I’ll admit, it can be tricky. Some people said, “I love the colors!”, while others said, “It’s way too pastel.” So… who do you listen to? A few of you also thought the lines around “autastisch” looked too playful, and even though I personally loved them, I ended up killing my darlings in the latest version. Not that it means much yet – we’re only at version 4.

Back in art school, our courses usually lasted about eight weeks. In the first or second week, everyone always thought they’d created the ultimate design, only for the teacher to metaphorically stomp all over it and force us to keep experimenting. Cue the tears, of course – but when you looked back at your early work after those eight weeks, you’d think, yeah, the teacher was completely right. Anyway, the lines and the word “leven” in the latest sketch still need to be drawn with real materials (paint, pencil) then scanned and placed into the final composition. In short: I’m expecting at least a version 8.

And now for the thing I hated most in art school: explaining my own work. It always sounds so made up (and sometimes it was), but there really are deeper meanings behind the choices I made for this cover. Fellow author Maaike Helmer commented, “I like the tape! It also looks like a kind of foundation. And because it overlaps, that foundation becomes stronger.” I hadn’t actually thought of that interpretation myself, but I like it, so I’m keeping it.

I started by making an A. The A from Autastisch, of course. It also reminded me of a road. I chose masking tape and other physical materials because an autastic life is something you piece together and color in your own way. I traced the letters roughly, because we don’t color neatly within the lines. Later, for readability and a more mature look, I pushed the letters a bit closer to their original form again—but then I added the white lines around the A instead. I still plan to draw those lines with pencil or chalk and scan them, but I have to keep a close eye on the balance between playful and grown-up. The colors and materials also symbolize positivity. I want the cover to make people feel cheerful, because with this book I want to show what is possible in an autastic life.

Then there’s the title. It used to translate to “Handbook for an Autastic Life.” Some people said it gave off children’s book vibes. Others thought I meant “workbook” and expected fill-in pages. And while each chapter does end with a few questions you can work on yourself, it’s definitely not a workbook. So to avoid confusion, I decided to shorten the title. “Autistisch leven” (autastic life/living) also appears at the top of alphabetical lists, since it starts with an A. (Not the most serious argument, but thanks anyway, Marieke!) To make it clearer who the book is for, I added a subtitle: “A guide for autistic teens and adults who want to live in a way that works for them.” (That also puts the word “autistic” on the cover, which helps SEO. Thanks again, Marieke.) The subtitle might still change, but I think I’ve cleared up quite a few misunderstandings already.

Then the practical stuff. I already mentioned the writing part, that’s going more or less according to schedule. But there’s also all the organizing that comes with self-publishing. Most of that hassle comes from the fact that I live in Japan and recently converted my Japanese company into a sole proprietorship. That’s just how it is, so I have to deal with it as I go.

It started with a problem: Centraal Boekhuis, the company that handles distribution for pretty much every book in the Netherlands, didn’t want to take me back. I used to be a client there for my English and German books, even after I moved to Japan, but I canceled my subscription a while ago because it wasn’t profitable anymore. (I sell about 99% of my English and German books through Amazon and Ingram.) When I wanted to rejoin, suddenly it wasn’t possible anymore. Now they required a Dutch VAT number and a Chamber of Commerce registration. You can apply for a VAT number as a foreign entrepreneur, but not for a KvK registration: you need a fixed address in the Netherlands for that.

Luckily, I found De Vrije Uitgevers, an intermediary and collective of publishers who share a single Centraal Boekhuis connection. They’re willing to accept me (if all goes well) with just a VAT number, so I’m applying for that now. Oh, and they’re cheaper too.

One of their requirements is that you have your own webshop. You might think, perfect, I can see a “shop” button up there, so you already have one, right? True, but right now it only links to external sales channels. Because of the switch from company to sole proprietorship, I needed a new Stripe account (that’s the service that lets people pay by iDeal, credit card, and so on). And to receive payouts, a new Japanese bank account. I chose Rakuten, but the account opening process took about a month. Anyway, Rakuten is now up and running, so as soon as my VAT number, registration with De Vrije Uitgevers, cover, and back-cover text are done, the pre-order can go live. Until then, you can sign up for my newsletter (Dutch only for now) and I’ll email you when ordering opens.

Oh, and one more thing: self-publishing a book costs a lot of money. And my timing couldn’t have been worse, because closing a company also costs a fortune. Honestly, every time I get another tax bill (“You’re no longer employed by your company, so we’ll just go ahead and collect your entire resident tax for the year now, okay?”) or an invoice from my accountant (“We filled out one single form. It took about ten minutes, that’ll be 60.000 yen please!”), I could cry. Still, I’ll have to go to the Netherlands in March for the final details and the PR campaign for this book. I honestly have no idea how I’ll pull it off yet. So I’m really hoping you’ll pre-order once it’s available. (There will be higher tiers with special rewards, by the way.) Until then, I’ll just keep grinding away.